…and other trite sayings of that nature.
Yeah, so I’m still working on finding time to do anything. Right now, I’m in the midst of possibly moving out of my place. My husband and I are considering whether to stay together as room-mates or whether to formally seperate. Both have their pros and cons but I think we’ll probably get a new place together as roomies and move into seperate rooms.
Oh, did I tell you? We’re getting divorced. There are two major reasons for this but only one I’m going to share here. Basically, my long-term goals involve moving back to the US. With my brother gone, I’m the only one left to look after my parents when they get old (and they’re not spring chickens right now). However, my husband’s long-term goals involve never living outside of France for longer than he absolutely must.
There’s really not much room for compromise there. So, we’ve decided to recognize that on that basis alone, our marriage is not viable and to split up. We’re still friends and all but, well, our marriage pretty much was just friends who shared space and other things.
So, I’ve been busy apartment hunting instead of working on anything creative. I’ve found a place in a nice area that’s not too far from where I work. We’re going to look at a 3-room this evening that’s also close to where I work and close to a train that my husband could take to get to his place of employment. Honestly, unless the place we look at tonight is a complete dump, we’ll probably take it and be moving in early October. Once we’re settled, we’ll have to meet with the lawyers and all about ending our marriage and what not.
My guild is still continuing apace. We’re hoping to get back settled in our regular raiding routine once everyone gets back from various end-of-summer vacations. We’re filling up on tanks but still need to find a few more healers and ranged DPS. Melee DPS is good so far, when everyone’s around, at least. We’re hoping to clear some ICC10 heroic modes, nail Anub’arak in 10 hc, and get Algalon before Cataclysm comes out.
On top of that, well, my family situation is making me want to tear my hair out. I’m not going to go into detail here but I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever really “get out” of the place I grew up. Don’t get me wrong. My parents are great people and I love them to death. But, well…I’d rather be dissected without anethesia than move back to that state and have to live with people who’s greatest ambitions in life are to never learn anything after kindergarten. >< It’s just not my cup of tea. However, my folks aren’t doing so great and I may have to bite the bullet, give up a job that I love, and move back to a place that I hate in order to take care of them. Oh yeah, sure, I could hire a nurse or whatever to do that on a daily basis but the way I was raised was that parents take care of their kids early on and kids return the favor when the parents are elderly.
My brother and I had a deal that he would do that so that I could get out. He liked living there. He got on with the people over there. He fit in. I didn’t. But, he’s gone so that deal is off. I guess I shouldn’t have relied on him to do that. The little shit was always finding a way for me to have to do his share of the work on top of my own. The whole time we were growing up I did his chores and mine because I got sick of getting yelled at for his stuff not being done.
However, my niece’s mother and her girlfriend are breaking up and my niece’s mom (hereafter called “Sissy” because I’m sick of the possessive case already) has moved in with my folks. So, maybe Sissy will stick around and take care of them so I don’t have to go back there full-time. If she does that, then I could try to work out additional leave from work to go back and take care of things when they needed doing. I’ll have to talk with Sissy about this soon. It would really suck for me to sign a lease with an apartment and then have to turn right back around and leave because I need to go back to my point of origin.
All in all, there are good reasons for why I’m not doing much right now. Once I get a new place and get settled and have my own room (so that my husband isn’t constantly distracting me with the TV on or “hey, you gotta see this thing I just found on YouTube…” or chattering at me when I finally put on my headset and turn on WinAmp so I can focus and getting pissy because I get annoyed that he can’t take a hint), I should be able to crank out a lot more work that’s been piling up in my mental drawers.
And, eventually, I’ll work up the nerve to ask my parents what I need to ask them.
And now…back to work.
…I’m working.
Work on The Unexiled continues but is slowed down by a few things going on in my life. Namely, the fact that I’m moving to a new apartment. Or rather, I’m looking for a new apartment to which I can move. Once I get settled from that, I’ll have more time to work on my writing.
Also, my guild and I are collaborating on a new project that doesn’t involve raiding. More on that in the future.
But, most importantly, I have been killing the Lich King. Video proof below!
I had to split it into two videos because of the length limitation on YouTube.
Anyhow, back to work.
I’ve just posted the latest update to Alayne’s Story over on the WoW-Europe RP forum. This week’s update takes everyone through a somewhat abridged Lich King encounter (seriously, I was not going to do two rounds of the transition phase + multiple defiles all over the place. I have to deal with that enough already just raiding the damned place!)
Next week’s update should finish out Part III entirely. I have begun a very rough intro for Part IV but I am having to adapt it based on things learned from what I get on sites covering the beta. So, I definitely will not be posting it up until Cataclysm is out and I’ve had a chance to quest in all of the zones and run almost all of the dungeons.
I will, however, be taking time to work on The Unexiled and will hopefully start sending it out again soonish. And, I will take time to edit and rewrite parts of Alayne’s Story.
Not to mention, eventually, I’m going to work up the nerve to broach the subject of discussing shit from my past with the relevant parties and get, if not their blessing, at least a promise not to read it.
And now, back to work.
I’ve just posted the latest update to Alayne’s Story over on the WoW-Europe RP forum. This week takes the characters through the Frost Wing of Icecrown Citadel. Soon, they’ll be facing the Lich King himself.
The wind-down of Part III is much smoother than Part II’s was. And, now that things have gotten…if not exactly calm at least less hectic at work, I should have time to work on The Unexiled and start doing the editing I want to do on Alayne’s Story. I’m also going to cut down my WoW on the Weekends time significantly so that I can spend time working on my writing more.
And, I know, I promised you guys a lot of information about my past. I’m working on it. I still need to try to clear things up with a couple of parties involved in it and make sure that they’re okay with me posting it all up for the world to see, even though I’m planning to leave real names and identities out.
Anyhow, back to work.
Just twelve days left until my husband and I fly to the States to visit my family. I can’t wait to get to see my nieces and nephew again. And, while I’m nervous, I’m looking forward to the chance to finally talk with some people and get some things cleared up. Win or lose, there will be some pretty major annoucements coming up here in a few weeks.
In just two weeks, I’ll be flying back to the US to visit my family and see my nieces and my nephew. I’m really looking forward to this trip even though I know that there are going to be some rather unpleasant aspects to it.
And yes, I’ll tell all three of you who read this site about it (or about as much of it as I feel comfortable revealing) when I get back.
One of the more pleasant things is that my youngest niece will be christened while I’m there. I’ve been asked to be one of the godparents and I’ve agreed to do it with a few reservations. First of all, my neice will be raised Catholic. I was raised Catholic but I converted to Orthodoxy ten years ago. So, I’ll be making certain she learns the beliefs and practices of both faiths, not just the one. Secondly, I’m hoping that if a certain situation on the job-front pans out, I might be moving to the States again and, if that’s the case, I’m hoping that my sort-of-sisters will consider naming me my niece’s legal guardian in case something were to happen to them. It’s not that I’d want anything to happen — I’d pray that I’d never have to excerise my guardianship. But, I’d like to know that, if something did happen, she would be well taken care of.
I wouldn’t mind acting as guardian for the other two as well. However, the situation there is a bit different since there’s no blood relation between us and their fathers might have something to say about the matter.
Ah well. We’ll just have to wait and see. Just two more weeks…
I have been hard at work on finishing up Alayne’s Story: Part III and think I may have the final scene of this part written within the next two weeks. Just in time to fly to the States and visit my family. I’ve also begun the initial outline for Part IV but most of it is going to have to wait until I’ve leveled through Cataclysm once it’s out. And, I imagine that, like Wrath of the Lich King, there will be several things I wind up having to go back and “fix.”
I really am hoping to get Part III done before I go to the States. I’m also hoping I can get my husband in a good enough mood to help me print and bind the whole damned thing (over 1000 pages in MS Word) so I can proofread it on the plane and start editing it.
I will also begin working on The Unexiled again once Part III is finished.
And, in the midst of all this, I have a lot of stuff going on in my life. I generally keep these blog posts rather impersonal because I’m just a private person by nature. However, when I return from the States, prepare to hear some stuff about all the insanity that’s been going on in my life for the past umpteen years. One reason I’ve been slacking so hard on things is because I’ve been mentally preparing myself for a bit of a catastrophe. I’m not sure how this trip to the States will work out or what. But, I’m hoping for the best while betting on the worst.
At least that way, any surprises might be pleasant.
Slowly but surely, things are improving on the health front. I am hoping to return to work next week but have been glad of the time off. I did need to rest. My body is still quite tense and the strain is still there, but it’s become easier to bear over the past few days since the big blow-up.
I’ve been cutting together videos from my new guild’s first runs and I kind of accidentally realized that underneath all the tension and stress I’m still feeling about things that will be coming to fruition in the next few weeks, I feel happy. I feel hopeful. I know that there are people I can count on. I know that I don’t have to be all things to all people anymore. I know that I have friends who will back me up and who will take things off my shoulders instead of asking me to carrying on struggling alone.
And that? That’s a pretty damned wonderful feeling. Still sucks what happened but perhaps it’s for the best.
The doctor gave me the week off of work so I could relax and let the nice strong medication (Lexomil) he’s put me on take effect.
At least, that was the plan. Reality, however, likes to kick my ass on a regular basis.
There was a situation in my old guild (Stormcrows) that led to a rather large, messy blow-up on Wednesday. There were some things I did to contribute to this situation — namely not taking the two people at the heart of it aside and shaking some sense into them months ago. In my defense, the reason I didn’t do that is because 1) I wanted to stay in the guild and felt that doing that would just get me a nice /gkick and 2) I feared it would cause an explosion (which, in the end, it did).
Critic (Tau’re) inadvertently triggered said explosion by taking one of the parties aside on Monday and talking with them about the situation and asking what could be done to help resolve it. The other party decided to turn around on Tuesday (after Crit, I, and most of the others thought it was resolved and all was on the way towards being cool again) and shout at all of us, accuse us of shutting the two parties out of the guild, gossiping behind their backs, etc, etc etc.
Take two people who don’t say “hi” to anyone for going on six months now. Add a lot of other people wondering if they have done something to make those two angry. Add general confusion as to whether those two people care about the rest of the group. Mix in the officers spending months smoothing things over, explaining that the two are a couple and just want time together and do care…all the while the two do their damnedest to show that they don’t…blend in a person who is on the verge of a nervous fucking breakdown, is ordered home from work because of non-stop panic attacks, is getting ready to announce some world-shattering, life-altering news to various parties who are fragile after a tragic loss that’s left a gaping wound that will never fucking heal, who is having trouble at work, and is just, in general, under the kind of pressure of which diamonds are born. Know what you get?
You get a fuckin’ shitstorm. That’s what.
So, I left Stormcrows and decided to make a go of my joke guild Causes Without Rebels. Before the sun had set Wednesday, I think something like 80% of the Stormcrows had come over to my guild. I spent all day Wednesday setting up the guild site, getting the ranks organized, getting the guild tabard and bank done, and just generally getting it set up.
I’m still amazed that this happened. It totally didn’t have to happen this way. If either of those two had been willing to even acknowledge their role in this clusterfuck, we could have resolved things. Instead, they want to paint themselves as innocent victims instead of seeing that by spending no time with the others for months on end, they created the perception that they didn’t care and that they could not be approached. Maybe there were things that the rest of us could have done to make it better (I’d love to hear specifics on this one!) but we weren’t the ones who forced them to segregate themselves. We didn’t force that dynamic to happen. We did our best to keep things running smoothly even with it going on and, in the end, when we reached out for the final time to ask “can you at least just say “hi” to us once in a blue moon?” we get shouted at.
One of the two made a remark to me that is completely apropos. She said “this is just like being back in school.”
Damned straight. It’s just like being back in high school were the two “cool kids” can’t be bothered to say “hi” to us poor scrubs. Only this time, the scrubs don’t have to keep taking it.
Of those two parties, one of them can go fuck herself. I never, ever want to hear from or of her again. She could win the lottery and I wouldn’t be cheered. She could keel over dead in the street in front of me and I’d just be careful not to step on the corpse. But the other…the other one…the one I thought was one of my closest friends…the one I thought of as a brother…the one I trusted (and I trust damned few people on this planet!)…if he ever decides I’m good enough to speak with again, well, he knows how to reach me. My hand is out to him. All he’ll ever have to do is take it.
There. Glad to get that off my chest. I’ll be going back to the doctor tomorrow to evaluate how well the medication is working and whether or not he thinks I’m stable enough to handle returning to work full time. In the mean time…I have a guild full of my friends I’m going to go hang out with.
– G
I got back Sunday from the UK. I had a great weekend even though I got no writing done whatsoever. Hanging out with my guild-mates, going down to the pub and getting pretty hammered, and then going on every roller coaster we could line up for was fun.
I’m back home now and am cracking away on Alayne’s Story and a few other projects. So far, I’m 70% done with this week’s update. I’m hoping to get enough time to finish it on up tonight and get some work squared away on some other things I’ve been neglecting, not the least of which is The Unexiled.
Well, lunch break’s over so back to work!
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